As parents/ caregivers, we often navigate the intricacy of family dynamics, striving to create the best environment for our children/young people. Yet, beneath our interactions, lie behavioural patterns that significantly shape our parenting styles. These patterns, inherited from our upbringing, have a considerable impact on how we approach parenthood, unraveling these patterns allows us to consciously break free from generational cycles. Even in cases of a wonderful upbringing, parenting remains a complex journey. It’s not about blaming our past, it’s about gaining clarity and making mindful choices.
Behavioural patterns represent deeply ingrained ways of thinking, feeling, and responding, learned primarily from our early interactions with caregivers. These patterns, whether positive or negative, exert more influence on our parenting than we might realise. Often, adults unconsciously replicate the parenting styles they experienced as children. Those who grew up with nurturing parents may adopt similar approaches, while others may unknowingly echo less effective behaviours observed during their upbringing.
How can I identify my behavioural patterns?
Mindfulness, EFT, self reflection, journalling, recognising triggers are all effective ways to identifying your own patterns of behaviour.
What is a trigger?
A trigger refers to situations, behaviours, or events that provoke intense emotional responses or reactions in parents. These triggers can vary widely among individuals and are often connected to personal experiences, beliefs, or unresolved emotions from their own upbringing or past.
Common triggers in parenting might include:
Challenging Behaviours: When children exhibit behaviours that resemble ones that caused distress in the parent’s own childhood or trigger feelings of frustration, helplessness, or fear.
Lack of Control: Feeling overwhelmed or anxious when a situation feels chaotic or when a parent/ caregiver feels hopeless or out of control.
Stressful Situations: Stressful events, such as financial difficulties, work pressure, or personal stress, can heighten emotional responses to children’s behaviour.
Unmet Expectations: When a child’s actions or choices don’t align with a parent’s expectations, leading to disappointment or frustration.
Past Trauma or Experiences: Parents may be triggered by situations that remind them of their own traumatic experiences or challenging memories from their upbringing. Identifying these triggers is crucial for parents as it allows them to become more aware of their emotional responses and enables them to respond rather than react in such situations. Becoming mindful of triggers can help parents develop healthier coping mechanisms, manage emotions better, and foster more positive interactions with their children. Seeking support, self-reflection, and using effective coping strategies, such as mindfulness, Emotional Freedom Technique or therapy, can assist parents in managing these triggers effectively.
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is being completely engaged and attentive in the present moment, without criticism, during both the difficulties and pleasures of parenting. It involves being mindful of thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and surroundings without letting them overwhelm. Practicing mindfulness helps parents interact with their children and handle parenting responsibilities with increased concentration, serenity, and empathy. It’s not about reaching a flawless state but about adopting a more aware and purposeful approach to parenting. This approach allows parents to handle the intricacies of nurturing children with more consciousness, tolerance, and inner strength.
Self-Help for Parents:
Emotional Regulation: EFT empowers parents to manage their emotions effectively. It helps in reducing stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions, providing a sense of calm amidst parenting challenges.
Stress Relief: Parenthood often comes with its share of stressors. Utilising EFT can assist parents in alleviating stress, fostering a more relaxed and harmonious household atmosphere.
Personal Growth: Tapping into personal issues and behavioural patterns through EFT allows parents to address areas they wish to improve. It promotes self-awareness and growth, leading to more fulfilling relationships with their children.
Using EFT with Children:
Teaching Emotional Management: EFT can be adapted to suit children’s understanding, teaching them emotional regulation. Parents can guide their children through simple tapping techniques, helping them manage emotions like anxiety or frustration.
Bonding and Communication: Practicing EFT together can create a bond between parents and children. It provides an avenue for open discussions about emotions, fears, or concerns, fostering trust and communication.
Building Resilience: Introducing EFT to children equips them with a valuable tool for handling emotional challenges. It promotes resilience by offering a method to cope with stress or anxiety, ultimately contributing to their emotional well-being. EFT serves as a bridge between parents and children, offering a shared method for emotional self-care and growth. By integrating EFT into daily routines, parents not only support their own emotional health but also nurture their children’s emotional intelligence, fostering a more harmonious and resilient family environment.
What is Emotional Freedom technique (EFT)?
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), often referred to as Tapping, is a therapeutic method involving gentle tapping on specific acupressure points on the body while focusing on emotional distress or negative thoughts. This technique can aid parents in regulating their emotions by reducing stress, anxiety, or overwhelming feelings. By using EFT, parents can effectively manage their emotional responses, promoting a sense of calm and balance. This practice offers a quick and accessible way to alleviate emotional tension, allowing parents to navigate challenging situations with greater ease and clarity.
Zoe Tzanetis
Counsellor | Accredited EFT Practitioner
CEO at Solace and Healing